So thanks to those who care, I'm fine. I've been depressed all year due to an over amount of drama in life I can do nothing about. Right now I find myself returning to old ways and being pretty stupid. I just know that soon with my fathers health I'll have to be an adult finally and buckle down to taking care of my parents because of poor health and I want to do as many stupid things as possible. I'm bloody scared out of my mind but I have to grow up sometime.



Then there is the thorn in my whole families side for the last 6 months. Threats and lies and plain evilness. I girl so set on taking away the best thing in our lives. Maybe I should said 2 girls set on taking away 2 of the best things. Oh ex wives and my foolish brother. I'm just tired of spending every day hearing of some new problem and hearing chances of never seeing either of my nephews again. Lord knows they are the only 2 guys I love and have ever loved.

You know the therapist had the audacity to tell me they and my brothers divorce were really none of my business and that I shouldn't put myself in it. What the bloody hell! 1st the crazy parked out in front of my house, my house, for like 4 hours and then brought the cops and then called my entire family including me to ask where my brother was. I don't freaking know, he's at work you crack head! So how is it none of my business? How is, never seeing my nephew ever again, none of my business? I only watch movies with him 4 days a week and bath him and feed him and teach him about Elvis. I only love him so much that when he's not around I worry about him night and day and cry when he tells me stories about how much he hates his moms new boyfriend or whatever. Some ugly sucker.



My heart is really just sad right now. I've been going around looking for some form of comfort, something to make me happy for a few hours. It's not working. The party always ends when the sun comes up and eventually I have to go home. Go home to a father that can barely walk and a brother just full of sorrow and so willing to share it with us. He really loved her and she really hates him. That's how it goes. There's a few guys out there that hate me and wish they never meet me. Atleast I think so? I don't know. There's more then a few I know I hate, but not really. To much going on to worry about what some douchebag did this one time.



The only thing that really makes me happy is working on pictures. Taking them, editing them, posting them up. Trying to get more creative with them. I've been making clothes and sets and whatever, just fully immersing myself into my work. I want to do more with it. I want to do more gallery shows but I'm not very good at booking them. I want to travel to locations different then anything I've seen. This is all I want to do. Just take pitures and watch Doctor Who on the Tv and dream of naked Ewan McGregor and read of times that once were. It's easy. I'm not so hard to please, although having somebody toe cuddle with when things suck woulod be nice, but hey, I'm not reaching for the moon. I just want to live my life, while I can and happily. Without the mess.



And my finally thought for the day: I spend all my time at home, working on my vintage online store, editing pictures and hanging with my nephew. I go out 1 night a week maybe, sometimes one night ever other week. I write, I eat and I watch Doctor Who. I'm also a Sunday School teacher, so go figure there and I'm very devoted to watching my class and trying to teach them not only bible stories, but reading and numbers and potty training because these kids need alot of love and learning. Trust me alot. 2 are ADD Bipolar and go through fits of rage so intense I've been scratched, bite and kicked because I asked if he was done coloring. Another is put down by his parents and treated poorly because he looks like his dad, the ex. He does all the chores and barley has time for homework at which he gets called dumb for having school trouble. My point is, my life is busy and sometimes full of drama. Sad stuff but not the worse. I just get down because I'm flipping human and if I want to go out those few times a month and get plastered then I will and if you have a problem with that, then F U. If you're going to judge me on that or use the dumb things I've said and done while drunk against me or remind me of my mistakes, then F U in your saggy butt. And if I ever start crying in front of you, you have 2 choices. Walk away and never talk to me again or pat me on the back and tell me it's all okay.