The longer and longer we wait. The more I'm afraid we dissipate. I meant every word I said, despite the ideas you have in your head. You mean more to me then any before. I suppose that's why my insanity caused such an uproar. I'm jealous, I'm angry, I'm sad and there's nothing I can do to stop you from being mad. I'm a fool, immature and naive, but you got to believe I'm not one to decisive. I'm not one to lie or cheat. There's no need with all this passion and heat. I'm not like those others before. Who cold and mean, caused such an uproar. This is why I am so obsessed. You're stuck thinking of the rest. And now here am I too because all I ever thought about was you. I'm one of hundred here in this pack of those who lay with you in your sack. How does one even know you care when there are so many to compare. Alas I say this isn't fair as you run into you lair. A place where so many other have dared. Enter,embraced and sweetly shared. Casanova may have been quiet proud. Such foolish thoughts, my mind does cloud. I'm jealous, I'm angry, I'm sad and there's nothing I can do to bring back what we had. If there was even an ounce there, you won't tell me, alas again this isn't fair. the longer and longer we wait. The more I'm afraid we dissipate. go on and be no more and then every not I cry on on the floor. I'm not ready to let you go. My heart internally bleeds for you so. I have forgotten all that your past in only hope I would be your last. Believe me this was no easy task and I could not hide it behind a different mask. I just wanted you to make love to me. With sweet kind words so I could see. To be special to you is my only thought. Compliments and kisses is all I sought. With out this I don't know if you truly care. And once more Alas I say this isn't fair.

New year blah

The new year has begun and so it is time to make the new years resolution. Many people make them and break them and take them for granted. Nobody really takes them too seriously. My past ones barley set in reality and focused more on dreams and wishes. This year though I want to make one that is possible to fulfill and one that ultimately must be done.

I wish to be a better person. A lady in all the sense. The past five years of incidents have turned me hard and brazen. things I have never wished to be. I speak too frankly and not in the sense of cursing and disturbing saying but in the sense of hiding nothing and being blunt.

It's an innocent way I suppose and I never mean harm, but I guess secrets truly aren't safe with me. why can I never learn to keep my mouth shut? I often end up feeling so guilty afterward you'd think I'd stop.

Now though if I don't stop then somebody may just walk away. I couldn't handle being alone because I couldn't stay quiet. I want to be happy, but mostly I want to deserve to be happy. I don't deserve right now but gosh darn-it I'm trying so hard. If I blow this I swear I'll hate myself even more. If that's even possible.